penat.

I cant believe that I shed tears because of you. because of disappointment and the feeling of being betrayed by you.
seriously,bila nak berenti?
bila nak berenti mengata aku sana sini dkt blkg?
bile nak berenti buat baik depan aku w/out feeling guilty?
bila? dah dah la tuh. aku penat lah.aku tak pernah rasa penat berkawan
first time aku rasa exhausted mentally and emotionally kawan dgn kau
tak sudah2 dgn drama
semua org tak kena. semua org nak jatuhkan kau
pernah tak kau tgk silap kau sendiri?
AKU DAH PENATLAH!!TOLONGLAH!
dah dah lah tikam belakang aku. aku tak mintak kite kawan pon
jgn tabur fitnah lg. stop spreading lies.
tell your "friends" to stop judging me. biar diorg sendiri kenal aku mcm mane, lepas tu judge la
jgn nak judge aku based on cerita2 karut kau je. besar dosa nnt
kalau ikotkan mmg nak mengamuk je
tp bila fikir ni final sem, aku redha je la.
penatlahh....

food for thought

communication through writing (sms/email/status/twitter) can be very destructive. My 2 bestfriends are in a bad term due to a tweet. A posted a tweet on, and B thought A was trying to bring her down. I know the two sides of the story, and it was a simple misunderstanding. Do you know what went wrong? The tweet was meant to be FUNNY, and B perceived it as an angry tone. You see, thats where speaking is more reliable in conveying messages. They are meeting up tonight to clear the issue. Hope we will all be in good terms again. Yosh!

This happen to me like all the time. Sometimes people think that I meant something the bad way when all I can think of is being FUNNY. See how destructive it is? It destroys friendship. Thats sad. Lets talk more, shall we? :D

My mind is occupied with things. I cant be bothered to think of the coming midterms. I have a lot going on in my mind. I cant stop thinking. I have been having trouble sleeping since last monday. Theres always something going on in the back of my head. It refuses to stop. I sometimes feel so tired, but I cant sleep. Haihhhh. I dont wanna go to the clinic and being prescribed with sleeping pills. I'll be to dependent on that soon, and I dont want that to happen. Sighh. Whats wrong with me. I wonder.

Last Tuesday I had a long conversation with a good friend. I was feeling sad and complained about this and that to him. I got to the point that I lost hope in myself. And he said things that made me feel so ungrateful to God:
"Allah tu Maha Besar, Maha Pengasih, Maha Penyayang. tak pernah sedetik pun Dia putus asa dengan kau. Kau ni manusia kerdil je, yang nak rase putus asa dengan diri sendiri kenapa? tak rasa bersyukur pon."

I was close to tearing up. and he added something else:
"manusia ni slalu anggap rezeki datang dalam bentuk duit. diorg tak pk kalau tibe2 diorg xciden, berlumba2 org dtg tolong tu sbg rezeki.org skrg kan materialistik and realistik, jd diorg bnyk terdorong ke pemikiran mcm tu. ada satu kes tu aku bace dlm buku, ade sorg lelaki ni pergi jumpa sorg alim ulama' sbb lelaki ni rasa dia dah terpesong jauh. jahil mengalahkan kristian yg taktau ape2 pasal Islam. dia nak balik ke jln asal tp buntu nak mula dr mana. jadi sy bg nasihat, mula dengan rasa bersyukur pada Allah. bersyukur kamu dihidupkan sempurna, bersyukur rezeki tak pernah putus, bersyukur Allah sedarkan kamu yang kamu dah terpseong jauh, bersyukur ALLAH KURNIAKAN RASA TAKUT KEPADA KAMU UNTUK ULANG DOSA/SALAH SILAP YANG LALU, BERSYUKUR ALLAH KURNIAKAN RASA INSAF DAN SESAL DALAM DIRI LEPAS BUAT SALAH"

That hit me real hard. Aku rase jahil sgt. slalu rase bersyukur atas benda2 yg nampak jek. yang rohaniah, yang tak nampak, tak rase bersyukur pon. mulai dari hari ni, same2 lah kite panjatkan kesyukuran pada Allah, walau sekecil2 perkara. Sekurang2nya tu lah yg buat kita kuat di masa akan datang. itulah yang buat kita rasa lebih dekat dengan Allah.

jaa, ttyl
Assalamualaikum

p/s: aku takkan pecahkan rahsia orang sekali aku dah janji, walaupon kawan tu bertukar jadi enemy. prinsip tetap prinsip, tak kira siapa kau. n u shud do the same