I am still emotionally unstable. I lost my cat.
Pagi Khamis, kakak ipar kejut and bagi berita yang sangat menyedihkan. Mase tu pukul 6.55 am. Die cakap kucing kitorang, Oren, dah mati. I never thought losing a cat would be that hard. Really. Tak sampai hati nak tengok die. After tengok die dah terbaring and tak bernafas, terus masuk bilik and nangis. Kejap2 tinjau luar tgk kakak aku tanam die. Sangat sedih. Sbb die ade anak, namenye Garfield. Sedih sbb pk ape jadi kat anak die lepas ni. Oren and Garfield mmg sll bersame, bergaduh ke, gi jenjalan ke ape ke, mmg selalu berdua. Selalunye anak kucing akan stop menyusu around 6months mcm tuh. Tapi Garfield neh, dek manje n pondannye die, die menyusu sampai nak dekat setahun (walaupon mak die dah tak produce susu). diorang selalu saling membersihkan satu same lain. Lepas ni, oren dah takde, cemane lah Garfield. Dah la die manje gile. Kalau die sedih, bukan die bleh bitau pon. Sedih nyee. Tak sangke aku boleh breakdown macam ni sbb kucing. Susah bile attached sgt dkt sesuatu ni. Tsk. Oren, aku sayang kau sangat2 :(
di kala mood and emosi aku tak stabil, datang pulak bencana lain, dari segi emosi, yang buat aku hangin. Memang benda kecik jekk. tapi kalau benda kecik nih dah jadi bnyk kali, dok ulang2 benda sama, tak fikir perasaan orang, cemane tak hangin?
Ok. harus ubah bahasa, untuk menunjukkan kekecewaan, diiringi carutan manje.
One of my hideous traits is that I channel my emotion through actions (very exaggerated actions) or through words (the most hurtful you swear you have never heard such words your entire life) or even both. BUT, those apply to times when I am angry. When I am sad, I’d rather show my poker face and pretend nothing is wrong. I find it very hard to tell people about my problems. Reasons being?
- I have had friends who would show their concern whenever I am feeling sad and once I open my mouth to spill the beans, they rolled their eyes (I have always wanted to say this. FUCK YOU BIG TIME!)
- I have had friends who pretend to listen to my problems and once I shut my mouth, they would change the topic and talk about themselves (SCREW YOU BIG TIME!)
- I have also had friends who pretend to listen to my problems, and spread the wrongs version of it and people start to look at me upside down
I have had enough of people I have mentioned, so if you belong to any of the groups mentioned, just don’t try to get to know me more. You disgust me to the point of insanity. Don’t pretend. Cause I’d choose being ignored over facing you people. I get by on my own most of the time, so I’ll choose being in my comfort zone.
I am used to being left out. But seriously, I hate it when people only respond to me when they read my fb status or this blog (that is bile diorang terasa and thought it would be a good idea to make it up to me by SUDDENLY proving they aren’t what I described them as). People=strange creature. So strange lah u people. I really don’t understand those who would prefer backstabbers over those who tell things straight to their face. Really. What are you? In a way, technology is changing our lives in subtle ways. you know, macam orang yang perang status fb/tweets. What happened to 'face-to-face' conversation eah? thats just lame
When I am mad or sad, I tend to blurt things out, the hurtful and most kurang ajar things, and once I let all those out, I’d feel better all over again and forget them and continue being jolly. But, it is sad when people take it the wrong way. They’d say ‘Jahatnye’, ‘Tak baik lah kau ni’ or even tell people that I am such and such. That’s just my way of expressing disappointment/anger or whatever you call it. I am really sorry if you have taken things the wrong way, because my horoscope says that I get mad easily, and I forget them easily, and I tend to say nasty things when I am angry. Saying hurtful things or showing bad actions are my ways of letting out my anger. So, lets try to understand one another, and if u have a problem with that, we'll work it out between us.
Tirah: u can never satisfy people. That’s a fact. But isn’t it a relief when people pretend that they r satisfied, just to be nice? There are times u need that kind of attitude. hihi (Seriously babe, kau sengal!hahahaha. but ily ;D)
Ok. I no longer know the purpose of this post. Ok. Whatever. Haha. wrapping a century problem in a single post, perhaps? :p
jaa, ttyl
Assalamualaikum
